In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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