i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
