My cat gives me a boner
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Boobs speak an international language.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
