I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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