Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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