You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
