I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
