You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
