Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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