I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
