I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
