Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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