I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
