CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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