Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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