I CAN MOONWALK!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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