i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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