in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
a search helicopter?!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
