My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
