Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
