i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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