he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
