dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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