it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
