You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
