You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
