try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
