My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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