So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
