you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
