It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
