she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
