I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
