i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
