i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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