My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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