It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
