What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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