Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
