dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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