Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
