I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
