My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
