Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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