I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
