I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
