shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
