She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
