Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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