I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This is classic penis vs brain.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
